Home > The Facts Of Midlife (Good to the Last Death #7)

The Facts Of Midlife (Good to the Last Death #7)
Author: Robyn Peterman

Chapter One



“Oh my God,” I shouted as the intense pressure of the contraction ripped through my lower body. Stars blurred my vision, and I was pretty sure I wanted to quit. Gripping the couch cushion like my life depended on it, I was positive I’d destroyed it. It was far better to kill an inanimate object than my friends who were trying to help. “This sucks so hard.”

“You’re doing great, sweetie,” my mom whispered in my ear.

“Define great,” I ground out.

Nothing is impossible as long as I believe. I can do this. It isn’t like I have much of a choice…

Rolling the mantra around in my brain and trying to convince myself it was true was getting increasingly difficult. My life—while definitely worth living—was spiraling out of control. The original Angel of Mercy, Zadkiel, was a cheating asshole who had challenged me over and over again. The son of a bitch was out to get me for reasons that remained a mystery. He had now apparently taken my father and Charlie hostage. They were in the Batu Caves in freaking Malaysia. The Immortals were right out of their damn minds. Of course, Zadkiel taking the Archangel Michael and the Immortal Enforcer hostage seemed like a death wish, but the former Angel of Mercy wasn’t what I would describe as stable… or merciful.

And now? Now I was precariously close to pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole more suited for a golf ball in front of a roomful of people. It was fine that June, Jennifer, and Missy were here. They were my closest friends. The fact the ghosts of my mom and Gram were here was a blessing. The presence of my Angelic siblings, Abby, Prue, Gabe and Rafe, was beyond strange. Add to that Amelia and her ghostly brothers and sister, and it was a freaking party. Not the way I’d envisioned Alana Catherine’s entrance into the world, but it was what it was.

Although, Zadkiel had ruined this moment as well. Gideon had gone after the bastard, and he was going to miss the birth of our child.

“Can’t do it,” I shrieked, squeezing my eyes shut and making deals with every deity that I could think of to make the pain stop. “Whoever thought this was the way to bring babies into the world should be bitch-slapped. And you know it had to have been a man.”

My dear friend June cupped my flushed cheek and kissed my forehead. I almost punched her. Thankfully, I didn’t. She was one of my nearest and dearest.

“You can do it, Daisy,” she promised.

I wasn’t as sure. Blowing out a baby in my forties was an unplanned and glorious gift. However, right now, I wasn’t into it. No one had explained the horror of actually giving birth to the little miracle. Of course, a home birth with no pain meds didn’t help.

“I’d say you’ve moved into transitional labor,” June said, sounding thrilled as I huffed and puffed like the Big Bad Wolf. “The head is in the birth canal.”

I was on the couch with my legs bent and splayed open. I was certain I was dying. June assured me over and over I was not. I didn’t believe her. Jennifer and Missy had undressed my bottom half. I didn’t care who saw me. I just wanted the pain to subside. It was heinous.

“You’ve done this before?” Abby warily asked June. “Not just watched it on TV?”

June smiled and nodded. “I was present and participated in the home births of my grandchildren. We’re good. I promise.”

Abby grunted her approval then gave a sigh of relief. “Just checking.”

If I hadn’t been in so much pain, I’d have smiled. My crabby sister had come so far from the cold, uncaring Angel she’d been when she’d first arrived. Now, I didn’t think it was possible for her to hide her humanity, even if her life depended on it.

And while I liked June’s answer, I was pretty sure, if I had to, I could blow my baby out all by myself in the middle of Hell’s maze. Even so, I was grateful that wasn’t the case.

“How long does it take to have a baby?” I hissed through a particularly awful contraction.

“Your pregnancy was supernaturally accelerated,” Missy pointed out, holding my hand. “Nothing about any of this is normal.”

“At the rate you’re progressing, I’d say very soon,” June told me. “This is the fastest I’ve ever seen. Just a few good pushes, and Alana will pop on out to greet you.”

Gram didn’t blink an eye when I used the f-bomb in every conceivable way that it could be used. My mom sat behind me and played with my hair like she had done when I was little. It was a small comfort but didn’t negate that having a baby hurt a ton.

“I don’t think a baby can come out of that hole,” Abby said, near tears.

“Is everyone looking at my vagina?” I snapped. “No one needs to look at my vagina.”

“I am not looking at it,” Rafe said, still ripping through the pile of gifts in frantic search of things he thought Alana Catherine would need when she arrived. Amelia helped him. Amelia’s siblings, Penny, Robert and Glen, floated above them and shivered with excitement.

“I would never look at your vagina,” Gabe swore. “I would never look at my sister’s vagina.”

The fact that he called me his sister was wonderful. The fact that my vagina was being discussed was not.

June led breathing exercises. “Do what I’m doing,” she instructed.

“What are you doing?” Prue asked, copying June’s deep inhales and audible exhales.

“Birth breathing,” June said. “It’s relaxation and controlled breathing. It’s an alternative to drugs for pain management. It’s the only option we have right now.”

“Shit,” I shouted. “Drugs would be way better.”

“It will be over soon,” my mom promised. “Breathe, sweetie. You’re doing great.”

“I am never having sex again,” I growled. “I will castrate Gideon.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jennifer said. “Do Immortals grow back body parts?”

“They do,” Prue confirmed, holding sterilized scissors to cut the cord in her hand.

“Then I say castrate the bastard,” Jennifer announced. “The Grim Reaper deserves to experience a little genital agony. I mean, for the love of everything unreal, Daisy’s about to blow an entire person out of a hole the size of a chicken nugget.”

“Not helping,” I bellowed.

“My bad,” Jennifer said.

“The body is a wondrous instrument,” June said soothingly. “Daisy’s body will adjust.”

“It better,” I grunted. Another contraction hit, and I instinctually pushed. I couldn’t help myself.

“That’s great, Daisy,” June said. “Push.”

“I’m coming, Mommy,” a voice whispered in my head. “It will be okay. I promise, and I love you.”

“Are you okay?” I asked frantically as the contraction eased. “You’re early. Do I need to shove you back up to cook some more?”

“Who is she talking to?” Jennifer asked, looking around in confusion.

“Alana Catherine,” Abby said, calming down. “She’s talking to her child.”

“Silly Mommy,” Alana Catherine said with a giggle. “I am cooked and ready to meet you.”

Hot Books
» House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1)
» A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire
» From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash #1)
» Deviant King (Royal Elite #1)
» Sweet Temptation
» Den of Vipers
» Chasing Cassandra (The Ravenels #6)
» The Sweetest Oblivion (Made #1)
» Steel Princess (Royal Elite #2)
» Angry God (All Saints High #3)
» Serpent & Dove(Serpent & Dove #1)
» Credence
» Archangel's War
» House of Sky and Breath (Crescent City #2)