Home > Screwed (V-Card Diaries #2)

Screwed (V-Card Diaries #2)
Author: Lili Valente

Screwed


A V Card Diaries Novel

 

 

Lili Valente

 

 

All Rights Reserved

Copyright Screwed © 2022 Lili Valente

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner. This romance is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. This e-book is licensed for your personal use only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with, especially if you enjoy hot, sexy, emotional novels featuring firefighting alpha males. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work. Cover design by Kelly Lambert Greer. Image copyright Wander Aguiar.

Created with Vellum

 

 

Contents

 


Screwed

 

About the Book

 

 

Prologue

 

Chapter One

 

Chapter Two

 

Chapter Three

 

Chapter Four

 

Chapter Five

 

Chapter Six

 

Chapter Seven

 

Chapter Eight

 

Chapter Nine

 

Chapter Ten

 

Chapter Eleven

 

Chapter Twelve

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

Chapter Fourteen

 

Chapter Fifteen

 

Chapter Sixteen

 

Chapter Seventeen

 

Chapter Eighteen

 

Chapter Nineteen

 

Chapter Twenty

 

Chapter Twenty-One

 

Chapter Twenty-Two

 

Chapter Twenty-Three

 

Chapter Twenty-Four

 

Chapter Twenty-Five

 

Chapter Twenty-Six

 

 

Sneak Peek

 

About the Author

 

Also by Lili Valente

 

 

Screwed

 

 

A V-Card Diaries Novel

 

 

* * *

 

By Lili Valente

 

 

About the Book

 

 

My best friend’s older brother excels at many things—being a bossy grump, a jerk, and...this hopeless virgin's fake fiancé?

 

* * *

 

I need a guy who understands that this is all pretend, and who better than a man who can't stand me—and vice versa? Besides, Derrick is the kind of cocky, confident, successful dude bro my gram will adore.

 

* * *

 

We'll convince my ailing grandmother I’m not going to die alone, Derrick will honor that favor he owes me, and we'll part ways as enemies with NO benefits.

 

* * *

 

It’s a rock-solid plan…until it isn’t.

 

* * *

 

Turns out I may have made a slight miscalculation.

 

* * *

 

Now Derrick is charming my family, sweeping me off my feet, and making me want crazy things.

 

* * *

 

Suddenly, I think I might actually want him to be my first and maybe…my only?

 

* * *

 

Yeah, I’m screwed.

 

* * *

 

So bleeping screwed.

 

 

For my readers. Love, always.

 

 

Prologue

 

 

From Harlow Raine’s TOP SECRET Diary

 

 

* * *

 


Dear Diary,

 

* * *

 

It’s just a penis. A cock. A dick.

There are literally millions of them in this city and it’s not like I’m looking for Mr. Right. I just want a dude bro who knows what he’s doing in the bedroom, with a personality just obnoxious enough to keep me from falling for the guy.

You would think that kind of casual bang-buddy situation would be an easy thing to find.

You would, sadly, be wrong.

Let’s look to the dating log for all the depressing details, shall we?

 

* * *

 

Brad One: Emotional. Cried easily. Allergic to synthetic fabrics. Or possibly was using his “fabric allergy” to excuse his second crying fit. Wanted to hold my hand fifteen minutes after meeting and kissed my forehead twice.

 

 

* * *

 

My thoughts: Feelings are not on my radar right now, tears make me nauseous, and forehead kisses are creepy on a first date.

 

 

* * *

 

V-Card Status: Still Un-punched

 

 

* * *

 

Steve: Referred to breasts as “tiddies.” Kept wanting to talk about fishing. Hit the bathroom right before the check arrived and stayed there until I paid, making me think he was waiting to return until the bill was taken care of.

 

 

* * *

 

So, yeah, this douchebag was in the running…right up until he gave his leftovers to a homeless man outside the restaurant and offered to buy drinks and dessert at the bar across the street since I covered dinner.

 

 

* * *

 

My thoughts: These small kindnesses weren’t much, but they were enough to make me fear falling prey to First Dick Fever like so many of the Raine women before me

 

 

.

What is First Dick Fever you may ask?

 

 

* * *

 

First Dick Fever (aka FDF)—Noun—falling stupidly and irreversibly in love with the first man to put in more than “just the tip.” A malady that slowly kills your single hopes and dreams and for which there is currently no known cure.

 

 

* * *

 

My mother married her first dick and has remained locked in fractious matrimony with my father for nearly thirty years, despite the fact that they can’t go more than an hour without shouting at each other until they’re red in the face.

She says “verbal sparring” is their love language.

I say she’s got a bad case of FDF.

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